Just.. general pondering.

[Xenon]

I've been going through some changes, and there are a few heavy thoughts on my mind.

Very heavy. Heavy enough that it's time for me to drop them, at least for a little while.

What is is, exactly, to need someone? To sit back whenever you aren't near them and sob, pressure building behind your eyes until their whites are red from the blood of burst vessels and your chest shudders with the pain of your cries? What is is to be near someone that means so much to you that all the pain in the world could force itself upon you, and yet, it would not matter, so long as your precious person was simply close to you?

Why do we chose to give ourselves, heart and soul, to such... fragile dreams? To build our hopes up, even with the knowledge that any small thing could shatter everything -

(just like one small person can change the world, in a way)

- even our precious person? How do things change so that an individual who, previous to certain events, needed the love of none but themselves, now find it difficult to rise in the morning if they are not rising to find that person...? How could two people of blood foreign to each other share a bond similar to that of twins, with emotions and thoughts dashing from one mind to another?

More importantly, what do you do if that important person is thousands of miles from you?

[Nyx]

I hate to see you still going throu all this. Love hurts. Plain and simple. It is a crazed thing that can't be controlled. It's almost like it has a complete mind of it's own. You total neglect things in your life to make theirs better, and the thousand miles away thing makes it all the worse. That is half way across the country. But as they say, love knows no bounds, and if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be.

[drago]

Companionship is both a great gift and a heavy burden.

On one hand, you're given the love, the physical/mental help, the memorise of happiness and good times...there are hundreds of things you can't do alone, and having a campanion (best friend, lover, whatever) is a great gift.

On the other hand, there's the possibility of unfaithfulness, of lying, of fighting, and of turning your backs on one another. You could fight over something silly and hate each other for it. You can get to know someone too well. You can get to learn all their secrets and find them too burdensome for yourself.

The magic solution is to find a way to balance the gift and the burden, to focus on the good memories and push away the bad ones.

"And I'll think about how you made me laugh
not think about how you made me cry
think about how we first swore
we'd love each other until we die."

My way of balancing it is .. complicated. I've learned to accept what I have, work to get what I don't, and cut out the people in my life who are too much of a burden and not enough of the gift (eg-people who call themselves friends but are infact not so).

I suppose there is only one thing that can truly help everyone, and that's time.

Good luck,
drago

[Aevelyn_LL]

taking a step back and making a pros and cons list sometimes helps. I'm afraid that's what we've done pretty much everytime my friend couldn't make up her mind about a guy. Thing is, if you're having doubts like she was, he's not the guy for you.

As for the distance thing, it's long, it's hard, and it's tough. But the wait is worth it. Basically, once you're committed to waiting it out, you need to do everything you can to keep yourself busy so you don't have Time to think.

[Saturnalia]

As far as long distance issues go, heh, I hear ya. But like people have said, it's a matter of mentally balancing things, and knowing that the best you can do is wait for the future and hope things work out.

I am the queen of long distance relationships. I don't know how many of you remember someone here (though he was only here briefly) that went by 'Ethereal Doppleganger', but we met online (though cyberadoption, heh) and ended up going out. Me in northern NJ, he in slightly northern NY. It sucked at times, and meant spending lots on gas. But it seemed to be working out. Until he called me to say that he was getting attracted to someone closer to where he lived, etc etc, and that sucked. Granted, I had no illusions; I knew I wasn't in love with him, but it still hurt like crazy at the time.

The next, however, was love. Again, long distance, me in NJ, him near Boston in MA. It was the first time I've fallen in love, so it was special, it was amazing. It was fine at first; he was down here anyway, working the Renaissance Faire I met him at. But Faire ended, he went back up to Boston, issues with cars arose, etc. And the cancellations and standing up began.
There was one of the first times, when he was 3 hours late, and I couldn't get in touch with him and was worried like crazy that he'd crashed on the road or something. Then there was the other little times when he said he'd come down for a weekend, then backed out. Then, over Christmas break, he promised, promised he'd come down. And a few nights before, broke that promise. In the end, I paid $120 for him to take a bus down here.
A relationship like that can't possibly last, for something to be long distance and survive, there needs to be comittment and a whole lot of effort on both sides. If something is that one sided, with so many promises broken (not to mention secrets kept, but I won't get into that) then, most likely, no matter how much you try to keep what you have, it really isn't worth the pain.

Now, I'm in another. Again, love, but this time, love much, much stronger than the last. And distance, much, much farther than the last. 3400+ miles. And it hurts, it hurts like hell to be that far away from him, to know that the Atlantic Ocean is between us. To know that visiting involves hundreds of dollars, fun little escapades through the customs office, etc. It can be so, so painful to know that I can't just run over there to claim a hug when I'm feeling down, we can't go hang out Friday nights to stare at the stars, we can't be together often in general. But it's love, and it's worth the pain, and ultimately, that's what it's all about. This, if it's meant to be, will work out. We'll find a way, and maybe, in the future, we'll finally get to be together on a more permanent basis. But for the time while we're not, we just have to do the best we can.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say, is ask yourself if the pain is worth the price. If the person is worth waiting for, is worth working through distance for, stick with it. Don't be afraid to put your heart into it, as long as you keep that little thought somewhere that it is a distance issue, and it will be hard. And, if the person isn't putting the same effort into it, then, hard as it may be, it's probably best to let it go, and try to heal your own pain while finding something new (or old and forgotten) to put your energy into, because, while no relationship can be one sided, if there's a long distance involved, chances are one sided will equate to no relationship at all, only the label of one, if that makes sense.

Ok, that was long and babbly, but I hoped it helped. Feel free to PM me or IM me or anything if you ever feel like talking or whatnot, and I hope things work out for you.

[Xenon]

Thank you, everyone.

In answer to the theory on doubts, I have them, to be sure. But they aren't doubts toward him - they're doubts on my own ability. I've known him for two years now, which isn't all that long a time, but it feels like I've known him since.. well, forever, to be totally honest. Like he was always there, just hidden from view. And for that entire time, though I didn't truly recognize it until the first time we met in person, I have loved him.

I guess I intrigue him. He and I have a very interesting mental and physical bond - we act similarly, think in the same ways, have the same habits. We even wake each other up (but not intentionally - once I woke up at 5:30 AM to finish some work, and he called me telling me to let him sleep in longer. XD )In two more years, he wants me to move in with him. I've got no real complaints, really, but it scares me. It's very far away, and I'm a person who is still living in the house she was born in.

At the same time, however, I need to go. I need to get away from this place; I know it WAY too well and I can't really deal with all the emotional ties I've got to it. (In case you were wondering, here is Santa Cruz, CA, there is Seattle, WA.) I have no issues with going to Seattle - price of living is reasonable, I love the area, good schools and jobs everywhere.. and I'd be with important people. I'd also have a chance at the whole "independence" thing, which is one of my deepest desires.

[sera]

*snugloves teh chao*

wot do you say when you find your soulmate? it doesn't make life easier; i'd say it generally makes things harder. to have someone that you, at least sometimes, rely on fully for your emotional well-being, healthy or not. we're all human; we all mess up, we all make mistakes, and we all let each other down sometimes. and when you're so fully meshed with another, it's amazing how many more times you can be disappointed.

does that make it any less worth it? does it make it a waste of time? does the love become untrue? to love someone is to choose them; it's hard to make the decision early in your life, late in your life. it's hard to be in love. it's a choice. and it's definitely a committment.

i've never been as happy with someone as i am with trebias. that makes these long periods without him bearable, if only just. i still go crazy with loneliness sometimes, especially when i can't talk to my friends and family when i'm really down. but. . . through it all, there's my love for trebias and his for me. it becomes worth it for that. it's still insanely hard, it still changes me slowly, but it's definitely worth it.

the only way to know if you can fly, is to spread your wings and try. if you don't jump out of the nest, you'll never know.

<3 to you chao.

[Aevelyn_LL]

You can always try it and see if things work out.

It seems you've thought things through and you're just going through a doubting yourself period. Just keeping pushing on and you'll make it just fine, you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders.

[AirRaiser]

Just so you know you are not alone. During my second year of college I met someone we are now dating (i dun feel like going through how we are together and that crap sooo yea) But once school ended we had to go back home. We do both live in Maine but he lives 2.5 hours away and has no car. I do but I work 40hours a week and barely have time to even chat online.
We can't call each other cause it costs way to much, and now due to gas prices Can only see him 2 times a month.

All I know is that if you truely love someone you will make it work no matter what you have to do.

Thats just me, *Huggle* your not alone trust me

[Jaguara Katial]

True love will travel though time and space and I know all too well what you are going though as I'm going though it too, if you want to AIM me I'll talk to you about it...alot of people won't think that the story is very moral and I don't want unwanted feedback about this...

my sn is jaguarakat

[Xenon]

As an update to those who know what's been going on.. Things are good again. Very good. <3

[Saturnalia]

Yayyy! /dance